


Never Alone

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Are you tired of it yet?, Arguing, Banter, Best Friends, Bitterness, Caretaking, Caring, Exhaustion, Hugs, Insomnia, Late at Night, Mid-Canon, Multiple Selves, Nightmares, Pain, Post-Divorce, Queerplatonic Jackieboy/Schneep, Schneep has issues, Surprises, They're working through them, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vodka, Well too baaaad :'D, Yes this is more Jackistein
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 00:23:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14842025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: Schneep suffers a nightmare and opts not to go back to sleep. Instead he heads off to the kitchen and tries to drink away his sorrows – key word being “tries”.





	Never Alone

_Please…_

_I know why you did this to me, I know I wasn’t enough for you but I’ll try! I’ll try, I’ll try again!_

_I’m not a failure, I’m not a failure, I’m not a failure—_

_Maire, please, I love you so much—We’ll find a way through it somehow!_

_Why don’t you love me anymore?! What have I ever done to you?!_

_Please! Please! Oh, don’t take them, I beg you—_

_Boys…don’t leave me…It’s only what your mother wants, right? Right? You want to stay, don’t you?_

_You…can’t…Please…Please, I’ll do better! I’ll—I’ll do whatever I have to! Just don’t leave me!_

Somehow or another his arm was flung out in his sleep, smacking hard against the linoleum that lay beyond the side of his cot. The sharp jolt of pain was enough to wake him, the sting lingering as he tossed and turned, kicking frantically at his tangled blankets. They were too hot, too heavy; he had to get them off—

Once the smothering fabric had been pushed onto the floor, he stilled slightly, panting as he blinked wide, burning eyes up at the ceiling. After several minutes of deafening silence, filled only by the sound of his thundering heart in his ears, he rolled off the cot onto the floor, scrubbing trembling hands over his face.

He’d never be able to make it back to sleep. His nightmare was all too real. As usual, his next waking thoughts turned to coffee and then, more grimly, to brandy or vodka or wine or friggin’  _anything_. Anything to wipe thoughts of his wife completely out of his mind.

Somehow or another he got to his feet and stumbled across the long expanse of the lab out into the hall. Somehow or another he padded to the kitchen and flipped on the light, ducking his head against it as his eyes adjusted. As the coffee burbled and grumbled through the machine, he began dragging an assortment of creams out of the fridge and then tossed a saucepan onto the stovetop with a strident  _clang_.

“Hh—what? Henrik?”

Schneep startled at the groggy call from the couch, very nearly knocking the saucepan off its new placing. “Jackie,” he hissed as he steadied it, peering through the darkness to meet silver-lit eyes. “What are you doing out here? You’re meant to be in bed!”

“So’re you, right?” the older Ego countered blearily, the light defusing from his gaze as he emerged from the living room into the bright kitchen. “What are you…? Cooking? This looks pretty elaborate for a late-night snack…”

“Is not a snack,” Schneep muttered, turning away from him to rifle through the cabinets for the rest of his ingredients. Much to his annoyance, Jackieboy didn’t leave, tracking his movements with mild curiosity. That changed when he finally snatched the bottle of vodka from its shelf.

“Whoa, buddy, you’re never gonna get back to sleep if you start sippin’ on that,” he warned.

“Good, yes, exactly,” Schneep shot back emphatically. “Exactly what I want. What is the saying…? Is five o’clock somewhere!”

“It’s almost five o’clock  _here_ —five in the  _morning_. Don’t you have a shift coming up?”

“I don’t care.”

Jackieboy seemed taken aback by that, which Schneep appreciated. If Jackie wasn’t prying and he didn’t have to excuse what he was doing every few seconds, he could get more done. The coffee had finished and was steaming hot in its pot; he dumped a good portion of it into the saucepan without bothering to measure to the line. Four approximate cups was good enough. Cream, corn syrup, sugar, peppermint extract, and a copious amount of vodka followed, creating a sharp and steamy scent that went right to his stomach.  

Once it was finished boiling, he took only the bare minimum of time for it to cool before filling his mug to the brim and piling it with a mountain of whip cream. All too soon the cream would melt, which just meant he had to drink it faster. Perfect. The sooner it hit his body, the better.

Sliding his mug onto the nearby table, he hesitated just before he sat, glancing at the kitchen counter and, after a moment’s thought, doubling back for the vodka bottle. Jackieboy, who had been standing silently by to watch how the scene played out, caught his arm as he passed, stopping him up short.

“What’s this about?” he asked in a low voice.

Possessively tightening his grip on the bottle, Schneep shook his head minutely, twisting his arm away.

“Buddy, you need to talk to me,” Jackieboy sighed, shoulders slumping as Schneep threw himself into one of the chairs and hunched over his drink.

“If you want to talk, pour yourself one,” Schneep mumbled.

He wasn’t actually expecting Jackie to do it. The hero was renowned for being unable to hold his liquor and for being reluctant to drink before a workday. Even so, Schneep couldn’t help but feel a small flicker of admiration as Jackie stoically did as he suggested, settling down across from him and taking a pointed sip, rolling his shoulders as the slow burn hit.

“Phew…You’re a natural flairman,” he commented with an encouraging half-smile.

More often than not his smile and his praise were enough to draw a smile in return from the doctor but instead he offered nothing but an apathetic shrug as he drank. As he swallowed and cupped the mug in both hands for the warmth, Jackieboy perked up, chuckling and gesturing vaguely.

“You have a little—”

Glowering, Schneep wiped the back of his sleeve over his face, effectively ridding it of the whip cream that had lingered in his facial hair.

“Aww! Henrik,  _everyone_  knows you’re supposed to spend at least thirty seconds helplessly trying to lick it off,” Jackie complained, throwing up his hands.

“Stop it!” the younger Ego snapped at last, bringing his mug down hard on the tabletop and ignoring the liquid that sloshed over the side. “Stop making jokes about this, alright?! I’m in no mood!”

The smile dropped off Jackieboy’s face as if it had never been there. “Then why don’t we just get to the point and you tell me what’s bothering you?”

“ _You_  are!”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You  _are!_ ”

“Still don’t believe you.”

“Well, you—you—ugh,  _warum musst du immer so neugierig sein_ …?”

“Don’t think I didn’t catch that. I’m nosy because it’s my job to help you,” Jackieboy explained as he leaned forward, earnest and solemn. “I  _want_  to help you.”

“You can’t, Jackie, you  _can’t_  help me! You can’t do anything about this; there’s nothing anyone can do, there’s nothing anyone can  _ever_ do and there’s nothing I can do! The more I try, the less I do to fix, so I sit here and drink instead! You think you can help me with that?!”

The legs of Jackieboy’s chair screeched against the tile as he pushed it back and threw himself to his feet. There he paused, leaning his knuckles on the table and breathing deeply. Wary of it, Schneep looked him up and down, unsure how to read his demeanor. He didn’t seem  _angry_ , per se, but he certainly wasn’t playing around anymore.

“Get up,” he ordered in a low voice.

This was it, Schneep realized, shrinking back in his chair as tense apprehension set in. He’d said too much, he’d been too harsh and now Jackie was going to ream him in that hushed, unsettling voice to put him in his place.

When Jackieboy seemed to realize that Schneep wasn’t going to get up any time soon, his eyes narrowed and he pushed himself off the table to skirt around it, grabbing the back of the other’s chair and pulling it out manually with one short squawk from its legs.

“I—I’m sorry, Jackie,” Schneep mustered hastily, gripping the arms of his chair and hunching his shoulders defensively as he peeked up at him.

“Get up,” Jackieboy demanded again, already sliding his hands under the doctor’s armpits. Schneep’s hands on the armrests weren’t enough to keep him there as the stronger Ego bodily lifted him, regardless of how he squirmed and how fast his protests became in his nervousness.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-I just wanted you to stop teasing me, I just wanted to— _fhhm_ —!” The rest of his words were promptly shoved to the back of his throat as his face was smushed into Jackie’s nightshirt and held there by a hand cupping the back of his head. For a few more fruitless seconds he struggled against it with a sharp objection of “—a’kie! C’nt  _breathe!_ ” that went entirely ignored.

They stood in silence then, Jackieboy waiting for Schneep to grudgingly relax into the hold before he spoke again.

“I’m always here, Henrik,” he stated, soft and steady. “Always. And if I see any of you in trouble, I’m always going to try and help you, no matter what. Every single time.”

Turning his head slightly so he could free his nose and mouth, Schneep drew in a shaky breath, his eyes flickering helplessly up and down, searching for an answer. “Jackie, ’m—’m fine. I’m…fine, I don’t need this…I just want to…finish the drink…”

“And I want you to know that you aren’t alone. Whatever it is, you’re never alone.”

His next breath caught at that and he was certain that Jackie felt him swallow hard. “…I  _am_  alone,” he countered, his voice falling to a tight whisper as he closed his eyes tightly. “I am. I am, I am alone…I am, I am, I hate it so much, I never—I’ll never—nhh—”

Jackieboy had the strength to hold up a collapsing building; it was effortless for him to hold up a crumbling friend. Tightening his hold, he exhaled slowly in simultaneous relief and sadness as Schneep finally hugged him back, thin shoulders shaking. Barely audible under the younger Ego’s muffled cries, the elder’s response was tender.

“You could’ve just told me you missed them.”


End file.
